Jul 312011

We’re a bit behind the times…or ahead of them. I don’t know. It’s too damn hot and the rent’s too damn high.

In May, in the year of Our Dark Lord Satan, Two Thousand Eleven, your faithful gluttons tramped into the Nifty Fifty’s on Grant Avenue, again in Northeast Philadelphia, for a little light refreshment and heavy burgers. Joining me, Curdo, Dreams and Niquish was Don Angle, who noted how relaxed my driving was. A little inside, I know. (Note: The name of the restaurant – Nifty Fifty’s – is possessive. I asked the fellow behind the counter if I could speak with Mr. Fifty, but he didn’t get it.)

But we’re not here to talk about that. We’re hear to talk food. Yes, I had a standard, run-of-the-mill cheeseburger. Yes, I chased down the burger with the artery-clogging “Reesey”* Peanut Butter Cup milkshake – just to fill in any gaps left by said burger. Yes, I enjoyed my meal with a Passion Fruit soda. Yes, I asked for a Nifty Fifty’s coffee mug as a souvenir to be added to our bill, and No, I didn’t get it because the lady just done forgot. The meal had the same effect all of our meals have – a full tummy, stretching the stomach’s normal capacity to the point that it becomes accustomed to hosting lots of food not just on one occasion, but on EVERY occasion, inviting more and more overeating one meal at a time.

After our big meaty dinner, we waddled into the parking lot. It was a warm spring evening. The sun had gone down. It was real nice, even though we were in Northeast Philadelphia and not far from the Boulevard. Real nice. After managing to bend my body into a borrowed Honda without wetting myself or involuntarily voiding my innards, we headed back to Curdo’s place in South Philly for the movie: Death Wish 3.

Here’s what you need to know about Death Wish 3. Charles Bronson thinks chicken is good. Charles Bronson likes chicken.

…that and he blows away a bunch of people…

…that and cities in the 70s and 80s resembled the futuristic urban landscapes in an Octavia Butler novel…or the first four Police Academy movies…and the sixth Police Academy movie.

But not the seventh Police Academy movie.

Or the fifth.

(Read books, jokers.)

*That horrible bastardization is my only complaint with the establishment.

Also, sorry for the long absence. More to come shortly. Promise.