Aug 042011

Hey there, all you Gadamn people. Sorry for the extended absence; hear me:

Like high school math, I just didn’t feel like doing the homework. Even MORE like high school, here I am in summer school making up the work. I got some free time on my hands, so hopefully I’ll be able to cover all the posts I missed during the school year. Go Panthers!

Dec 112010

Myself, I’ve always been a Spirals man. My deep-rooted prejudice against the tube noodle variety goes all the way back to childhood. Mom always bought the Spirals, which complimented nicely the Encore Salisbury Steak dinners she used to buy. Now, I’ve had the tube noodles. Indeed, the generic brands you find alongside the Kraft blue boxes almost exclusively offer the tube noodles with no other option – and I’ve had those, too, or at least a few forkfuls. But the Spiral variety of the Kraft…of the…Kraft…

oh my… >horrific gurgling sound<

>It is at this point that the author has slumped over in his chair. Temporarily blinded and unable to form words, your author has succumbed to the instant dehydration that sometimes accompanies a rapacious infusion of powdered salt-cheese. When he revives, he may be inclined to inform you all just how much he enjoyed his dinner of spiraled Kraft Macaroni & Cheese.<

Dec 042010

And now, children, a word about beer. Even in these times of recession, unemployment, shit wages, nonexistent benefits, rapacious insurance agencies, and politicians with less intellect than the residents of a common petri dish, there is still solace to be found in the sudsy amber glow of BEER. Ever sidle up to the bar, place your order and find yourself growing a little misty at the site of a well-filled pint coming your way? Maybe you get a little choked up? No, it’s not thirst that’s caught you. It’s the expectation of relief, confirmed by the first sip, which seems to course its way past every nerve, singing its song:

“It’s gonna be okay…”

After a day of hard, mind-numbing, soul-crushing work at the jooooooob, you look the bartender in the eye, utter your fancy (“I’ll have a Lager” or “Pabst, please!”) and suddenly life is once again pregnant with possibilities.

Nov 122010

Tonight is the first meal/movie for the God Awful Dinner and Movie Night blog. I don’t know what I’ll be eating or what we’ll be watching, and yet I find myself, heart aflutter, anticipating the…heart aflutter… heart…aflut-…someone call-…oh god…